Concerning Mustard Seeds

I've been doing a whole lot of thinking lately. It's kind of the norm for me, but lately it's been even more out of control. I think that self-examination is only natural for someone like me. I'm 21, my best friends are all getting married and starting careers, and I still play in cardboard boxes. I'm not saying I think I'm immature or that I regret my way of life, I just think that it's natural to examine yourself and try to figure out what makes you tick when you're not falling in line with the normal way of doing things.

All this thinking has led me to consider myself and my vision for the future. Most people tend to picture themselves settling down and getting a job in some nice suburb and raising a family. A few people picture themselves doing all of that in a bigger house, but the American Dream rarely changes from person to person. Me? I think I'd rather be eaten by a shark than live the normal life.

I'm not about to suggest that what other people have planned is sinful, is wrong, or is even small plans. It takes a lot of work to raise a family, and I respect that. What I'm saying is that for me, for Jake, the average life just isn't going to cut it. If I were to settle for something like the conventional wisdom then I think I'd be thinking small. I serve a big God with big plans, and to think that human plans can stack up to his is just plain silly. Maybe I belong on the plains of Africa with James taking care of orphans. Maybe I need to go to the ghettos and preach the word. Or maybe I need to get off my butt and finally become a true Christian, not just the American Christian that our culture has created.

One thing that is always scary to do is to share your dreams. So with that in mind, be gentle on me. There is so much I want to do with my life, I want to spend at least a year in another country doing relief work, I want to help kids in the ghettos find some hope, I want to help stop child soldiering in Africa, I want to see China, I want to help start a revival in the church, I want to teach, I want to come back to York, and at some point I'd like to get a masters and a doctorate in something so that I can do my own research on humans.

Big list, I know. There are nights where I literally lose sleep trying to figure out how I'm going to get it all done. The thought that I keep coming back to is that faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains. But what bugs me is that anyone can move a mountain. The real challenge is moving a human heart. It's dang near impossible sometimes to motivate people, especially yourself. I wrestle with this thought, wondering how much faith is it going to take to move myself. I wonder if it should be easy because of the mountain thing, or if Jesus was being ironic and saying humans are tougher to move than mountains.

When it's all said and done, I find peace in this: faith is a self-sustaining thing. If you have just a little bit of it, it will take care of itself and motivate and multiply itself. Maybe the mustard seed itself isn't what moves mountains, maybe it's the big mother plant that grows out of that seed. If you lack faith, pray for more. The fact that you realized you lack faith means you have more faith than you thought in the first place.

(jake)

Heroes Get Remembered...

Nothing in the world would be more open and honest than to share the one song that has impacted me most. By my personal hero Reese Roper, performed by my favorite band Five Iron Frenzy, got it when i was in 6th grade, listened the crap out of that cd and even now on my ipod. I would love to be able to write like this.

Hope you hate it.

When I was young, the smallest trick of light,
Could catch my eye,
Then life was new and every new day,
I thought that I could fly.
I believed in what I hoped for,
And I hoped for things unseen,
I had wings and dreams could soar,
I just don't feel like flying anymore.

When the stars threw down their spears,
Watered Heaven with their tears,
Before words were spoken,
Before eternity.

Dear Father, I need you,
Your strength my heart to mend.
I want to fly higher,
Every new day again.

When I was small, the furthest I could reach,
Was not so high,
Then I thought the world was so much smaller,
Feeling that I could fly.

Through distant deeps and skies,
Behind infinity,
Below the face of Heaven,
He stoops to create me.

Dear Father, I need you,
Your strength my heart to mend.
I want to fly higher,
Every new day again.

Man versus himself.
Man versus machine.
Man versus the world.
Mankind versus me.

The struggles go on,
The wisdom I lack,
The burdens keep pilling
Up on my back.

So hard to breathe,
To take the next step.
The mountain is high,
I wait in the depths.

Yearning for grace,
And hoping for peace.
Dear God... Increase.

Healing hands of God have mercy on our unclean souls once again.
Jesus Christ, light of the world burning bright within our hearts forever.
Freedom means love without condition,
without a beginning or an end.
Here's my heart, let it be forever Your's,
Only You can make every new day seem so new.

(jake)

Phalanx

It's 5:30 AM. I've been at work since 11 PM. I get off in an hour and a half.

Brace yourselves.

So I've been reading this book all night about the battle of Thermopylae. You know it better as that one thing they made 300 off of. Spartan culture is very interesting, especially as a history nerd. The thing that I find so fascinating about the Spartans is that they understood what we as Christians try to understand everyday; no fight is won physically. Everything is about the will to succeed.

The thing that I marvel at about the Spartans is not that they figured out the true nature of the fight, but rather that they figured out how to make it happen. They figured out how to develop and maintain the will to succeed, the will to overcome any challenge. It wasn't through rigorous training and insane methods to toughen up, although that all happened. It was through each other.

The key to Spartan battle rested in the shield. A helmet, a breastplate, these things guarded yourself, and they were expendable. But under NO circumstances were you to lose your big round shield, because with that shield you defended your brother. From day one Spartans were trained in one simple fact: Nothing will ever matter as much as the person standing next to you.

I think that one thing I do terribly wrong with my faith is I individualize it. I'm not saying it shouldn't be personal, between you and God. I am saying that it shouldn't be private, just about you getting to heaven. My faith needs to be more of a group effort. When I think back, the times that I've found courage, perserverence, all of the things that I seem to lack in my weaker moments was when I was standing up for someone else, trying to help them.

Jesus understood it, so did the Spartans. You'll never win any fight that you fight alone, you'll never win if you fight for yourself. But if you fight for the man next to you, then there isn't a force that can stop you.

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival. - C.S. Lewis

(jake)